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Student Conversation about Conflict Management |
Recognizing and Managing Conflict
Reasons for Conflict
Conflict Situation
Conflict Isn't Going Away
Conflict-handling Modes
Summary
Deena: That’s a really good idea, Heather.
Heather: Thanks
Deena: I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but I’m really glad that Sage invited you to that meeting a few weeks ago.
What’s so funny?
Brian: Well, I was just thinking about when Heather first showed up.
Jose: Oh yeah! You weren’t too thrilled about her taking Lori’s place.
Brian: That’s right. She was a real….
Deena: That’s enough, Brian. I admit I did have some problems with Heather at first, but things are just fine now.
Activity 1:
Think of a time when you were in conflict with someone else. Open the "My Notes" tool by clicking the "My Notes" link on the right side of the tool bar at the top of the page. Think about the situation and type your answers to the following questions:
- What were your feeling?
- What did you say to yourself?
- What did you do?
- What did you say to the other person?
- What did the other person do?
- How did the conflict end?
Sage: So, what was your problem with Heather?Deena: I think what bothered me the most was that Lori left out of nowhere. I was really upset by that and I took it out on Heather. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that Heather was intruding on our group. I mean, what right did she have to take Lori’s place?
Sage: So your problem was with someone who wasn’t even there?
Deena: Exactly. So I acted really sarcastic to everything she said and I think I sort of avoided her.
Brian: And how did you feel about that, Heather?
Heather: Well, to tell you the truth, I didn’t really want to come back to the group after that first meeting, but Sage explained the situation to me.
Sage: I’m glad you came back.
Jose: Aw shucks, isn’t that sweet. Now we’re all one big, happy family.
Deena: Seriously, Jose, it’s really important that the conflict between Deena and Heather resolved itself. Actually, this story brings up a good point. We’re going to be dealing with conflict for the rest of our lives and it’s important that we learn how to deal with it.
Activity 2:
Using the "My Notes" tool, write an example of how you’d like to manage conflict now and in the future.
Jose: I think I see what Deena is saying about the importance of learning to manage conflict.
Heather: Uh-huh. In a perfect world we’d never argue with anyone, but this is not a perfect world.
Deena: Right Heather. We also have to recognize that everyone we meet is not going to be like us.
Sage: Just look around any classroom. More than ever, there are students from different places with different beliefs and different ways of looking at things.
Brian: So, with all these different people, we’re more likely to get into some kind of conflict?
Deena: Whether or not we plan on it, it’s bound to happen.
Brian: I don’t think that you have to go global to find extreme diversity. All I have to do is listen to how my parents talk about today’s youth and what is wrong with us.
Sage: For sure. Remember when we first came together, I said how my parents would go ballistic if they knew about my tattoos?
Activity 3:
Check your understanding; complete this quiz (ANGEL Quiz) .
Activity 4:
Think of a time when you were in conflict with a family member. As you think about the situation, answer the following questions using the "My Notes" tool on the right side of the toolbar at the top of the page.
- Why did the conflict occurr?
- How did the conflict affect you and other family members?
- How did the conflict end?
- Imagine your conflict with family members was unresolved. What would it be like?
- Why is managing conflict important?
Heather: This may come as no surprise to you, but being in a situation like this team could cause a conflict.
Brian: I guess the whole team thing can cause some problems.
Deena: Well, think about it. A family is a lot like a team, and what family doesn’t have its share of conflicts?
Sage: True. It seems like the closer people work together, the easier it is for them to annoy each other.
Jose: Yeah Brian, think about it.
Brian: Why is everybody always picking on me?
Deena: That sounds like a line right out of an old 60’s song.
Brian: Sorry Deena, but I want to finish this with Jose. Are you saying that I annoy you and the group?
Jose: No! I guess I wasn’t really thinking about what I said to you. I apologize. We've become like a family. In my family, we always kidded around with each other a lot.
Activity 5:
Diversity and teaming are just two examples of why conflict occurs. Can you think of any others? Use the "My Notes" tool to type your answer.
Deena: I see conflict everyday when I go to my classes. In most of my courses, I’m the oldest one there. In one course, some of the students asked me why I was taking the course and others thought I was the TA. At first I didn’t think too much about it, until I overheard one of them say it would be different having an older person taking the class. My first thought was to get really defensive. After all, I’m 32 and that is not old. Besides, the young girl who said that is always popping her gum, which is very distracting and really bugs me.
Conflict Situation
Let’s look at the following scenario: We’re in a classroom and watching a student team in action. One of the team members, Paul, is drumming his fingers on the table and hasn’t even opened his workbook while the rest of the team members are quietly looking at their materials. The team leader looks up at Paul and asks,“What’s your problem today?” Two of the other members look uncomfortable and Julie, a third member, jumps to Paul’s defense.
Activity 6:
- In this situation, where is conflict likely to occur?
- Is there potential for several conflicts in this situation?
Use the "My Notes" tool to type your answers.
Heather: One thing is for sure. Conflict is part of everyday life and it's not going to go away . I think we really need to be aware of it and sharpen our skills to manage it.
Brian: Yeah, just like in class. If we let conflict affect our group, then it could also affect others in the class.
Sage: And the instructor may not even let students work together in future classes.
Heather: That could mean a lot more work for each individual, not to mention the learning experiences that would be lost.
As you probably already figured out, conflict is not going to go away anytime soon. Conflict is part of everyday life, whether at college, at home or at work. Unmanaged or unresolved conflict can affect not only the people involved in the conflict but also the people who are observing the conflict. When conflict occurs, everyone on your team may be affected.
Activity 7:
Think about a time a group you were in ran into conflict. What was the effect on the group?
Use the "My Notes" tool to type your answer.
The Thomas Kilmann conflict mode instrument or TKI, is frequently used in conflict resolution training and identifies five distinct modes that people use to handle conflict (Thomas & Kilman). Understanding your conflict handling style may help you handle future conflicts more effectively.
- Avoiding - usually indicates the person who is avoiding is low on the assertiveness scale and is low on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the avoider doesn’t take care of his/her needs and doesn’t really help the other person either. The avoider would prefer to be somewhere else when conflict occurs.
- Accommodating - usually indicates the person who is accommodating is low on the assertiveness scale and is high on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the accommodater doesn’t take care of his/her needs but sacrifices personal needs to cooperate and satisfy the other person.
- Competing - usually indicates the person who is competing is high on the assertiveness scale and is low on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the competitor takes care of his/her needs first. The competitor cares very little for the needs of others, does not try to cooperate, and wants to win.
- Compromising - usually indicates the person who is compromising is at the mid-point on the assertiveness scale and the mid-point on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the compromiser tries to find middle-ground by taking care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others. The compromiser does try to cooperate but not at his/her personal expense.
- Collaborating - usually indicates the person who is collaborating is high on the assertiveness scale and high on the cooperativeness scale. The collaborator takes care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others without compromising, or giving something up. The collaborator tries to understand where the other person is coming from so that a win-win situation is achieved, where neither party loses anything. Collaboration is the best way to manage conflict but it is also the most time-consuming.
Activity 8:
See if you can identify the Conflict Handling Mode used in each of these situations (ANGEL Quiz) .
Deena: I agree. I think we should take the time now and review what we have learned about conflict management. I’ll start with reasons we need conflict management. Which leads to the need to manage conflict if we want to get anything done. Heather, what have you written down as reasons conflict occurs?
1. We are becoming a global society. However, even while we benefit from increasing diversity, our differences create more opportunities for conflict:
2. In today’s world, we’re working in teams more frequently. There are teams in the classrooms and teams in the workplace. Collaboration is happening everywhere. Unfortunately, when people work closely together, conflict can occur more frequently.
3. A family is a kind of team. Can you think of a family that never has disagreements or conflict?
When people work closely together, they also get to know each other better. Sometimes when you know people a little better, some of the things they do get on your nerves, and the next thing you experience is conflict
Deena: OK. So what can we do to manage conflict? What are the five conflict
handling modes?
Brian: You mean like "Avoiding?"
Jose: Yeah, Brian, and how about “Accommodating?"
Sage: Listening to you two makes me think of “Competing.” Remember when Heather first joined the group? I sort of felt like she was competing for Lori’s place in our group.
Deena: And “Compromising.” Sometimes I think we give in to each other too easily. Sort of like an easy way out.
Jose: I like to think we are “Collaborating.” You know, being highly assertive and highly cooperative.
Heather: I think we spend more time being collaborative.
Sage: Yeah. But is it the best way to manage the conflict that occurs?
Every Situation is Different
As you know, there is no one right way to handle conflict every time. Each situation may call for a different way to manage conflict. The more you practice managing conflict, the better you’ll become. When you combine conflict management techniques with some of the communication skills you’ve already learned, like body language techniques, listening skills, not interrupting, acknowledging feelings, and providing good feedback, you’ll be on the way to effective conflict management.
Sage: While we don’t agree on everything, we are learning to get along better.
Deena: We have our different viewpoints, but are expressing them better. The more we practice conflict management, the better we get at it.
Jose: Applying good listening skills with conflict management skills really puts us on a successful path with our research assignment. Good communication and managing conflicts should help us get to where we need to go sooner.
Heather: I agree, but we have just looked at one method of managing conflict. I think the main point is to recognize when conflict occurs and do something before it becomes a problem.
Activity 9:
Now that you have learned a little bit about the nature and causes of conflict, take the following survey to get a better idea of your personal conflict management style. This will provide insights into how you can better work within a team or group.
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