Information about Active Listening

Contents

The Listening Process
Defining Active Listening
General Guidelines
Tips for Providing Feedback
Understanding Feedback
Cue Words
Running Interference(s)
Practice Activities

The Listening Process

Jose:   I was in a student government meeting yesterday that was a total waste.

Deena:   What happened? Couldn't you all agree or something?

Jose:   I wish reaching an agreement had been the problem. It never got that far. Everyone had their own agendas, and nobody wanted to hear about anything that wasn't their own idea. It seemed like we weren't able to communicate with each other.

Sage:   Did you guys notice that Jose said, "Nobody wanted to hear about anyone else's agenda?" He didn't say anything about listening . I realized that because when Deena and I were working on peer tutoring we talked a little about active listening . Hearing isn't the same thing as listening.

 

Defining Active Listening

Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary definitions:

• "to hear" is 1) to perceive or apprehend by the ear; 2) to gain knowledge of by hearing; 3a) to listen to with attention (heed); 3b) attend; 4a) to give a legal hearing to; 4b) to take testimony from.
• "to listen" is 1) to pay attention to sound; 2) to hear with thoughtful attention (heed); 3) to be alert to catch an expected sound.

Although the definitions of hear and listen overlap, do you get the sense that hearing is more passive than listening? Does it seem that hearing is more formal, political, and associated with organizations and institutions, while listening is more intimate and familiar?

The concept of active listening used in this module can be described as a communication skill that involves both the sender and the receiver in the communication process. Some people would say that communication doesn't exist without the involvement of at least one active sender and one active receiver. Once a message is "sent," a receiver tries to understand what the sender's message or expression of feelings means. After receiving a message, an active receiver puts his or her understanding of the message into his or her own words (paraphrases) and returns it for the sender's verification.

General Guidelines

Deena:   Okay. I want to give you some general guidelines to remember the active listening process.   We'll be looking at parts of the process in more detail.

Remember, when you really listen to someone it is important to concentrate on the content of that message and the individual who is speaking.

Brian:   So, Deena, do you think we're good active listeners?

Deena:   I think we're not bad, actually. But everyone could stand some improvement.

Sage:   Hah! You said, "I think!"

Deena:   What Sage is referring to is that I was breaking one of the active listening guidelines when I said "I think we're not bad." If you use phrases like, "I think," it means that you weren't really listening or at least you aren't responding to the content of what the other person is saying. In other words, you are reacting to, rather than responding to a question or comment.

Brian:   So how do you know if you are reacting instead of concentrating on content?

Deena:   If you are thinking in terms like:

            I think. . . .

            He or she does. . . .

            I feel. . . .

            You'll be sorry. . . .

then you are reacting to the message. That's different than focusing on the content.

Activity 2:

Take this short quiz (only available in ANGEL) to see if you understand what the virtual students have been saying so far about active listening.

 

Sage:   So, if part of this process is to make sure the message is understood, as a listener, how do you indicate that you understand?

Jose:   Paraphrasing would be helpful.

Brian:   Yes, put it in your own words and check it out with the person who sent the message.

Deena:   That's called feedback. You use feedback to verify the message with the sender.

Sage:   This is starting to sound a lot like what happens when you send e-mail or use a computer to do conferencing. You have a sender and a receiver sending each other messages.

Deena:   Right. Active listening is a lot like that when it's used effectively.

Jose:   But with the computer, you can't see each other. That has to make a big difference. I think communicating with a computer is harder in some ways.

Heather:   Seeing how a person reacts can make a big difference in making sure a message is understood.

Deena: Feedback is most useful at the earliest opportunity after a statement has been made or a behavior exhibited, but you still need to wait for the speaker to indicate that he wants your feedback.

Heather:   Jose and I think we need some pointers about feedback.

Jose: We need a definition, too.   So what is feedback exactly?   How does it help?

 

Feedback is : a key component of active listening. Feedback can be a corrective mechanism for helping an individual learn how well his or her behavior matches the original intention. It can also be a means of establishing one's identity.

Feedback helps another person to consider changing behavior or altering a message. It is communication with a person (group) that gives that person information about how he or she affects others. Feedback helps an individual stay "on target" and thus better achieve a goal or purpose.

An active listener must be solicited for a response by the sender and must refrain from imposing uninvited responses. Feedback is most useful when the sender asks for feedback by formulating a question a listener can answer.

 

Brian: Wow! That's a lot of information to try to understand! I'm really confused. I need to listen to what the other person is saying and only provide feedback if they indicate that they want feedback. Then, I have to be careful about what kind of feedback I offer so that I don't upset the speaker. AND, it looks like I have to work at not getting upset myself even if I don't like what I have listening to!

Sage: Yeah, it took Deena and me quite a lot of practice to even start to feel comfortable with active listening.

Deena: Maybe we should show the others exactly what an active listening conversation is like Sage.

Sage: OK. I will be the speaker and, Deena, you be the listener. I will talk about a problem I am having with my English class.

Deena: OK. I'm ready.

Sage: Yesterday I took an exam in my English class and I don't think I did very well.

Deena: You don't think you did well in your English exam.

Sage: That's right. I studied all of my notes and reviewed all of the readings and I understood all of the concepts we went over in class. I thought I was really going to do well on this exam.

Deena: You studied everything you had gone over in class and thought you would do well on the exam.

Sage: Yeah, but when I saw the exam I almost cried! Instead of asking us about what we had gone over in class, the instructor listed a bunch of readings and asked who the authors were and what year the pieces were written. I hadn't studied that at all! The paper I turned in was almost completely blank!

Deena: You were really upset to discover that nothing you had studied was on the exam. And you were disappointed because you spent a lot of time preparing and thought you would do well.

Sage: You got it! And I think I'm a little bit angry too. The instructor never even talked about authors and dates. It never occurred to me to memorize that information. Now I don't know what to do. I guess I should go and talk to my instructor, but I'm afraid I will be so upset I will start to cry or get angry or something. Then I would be even more embarrassed and humiliated.

Deena: You think you should go and talk to your instructor, but you are still so upset that you think you might just embarrass yourself even more.

Sage: That's right.

Deena: OK. I think that's enough to give them an idea of what active listening sounds like Sage.

Does this give everyone a better idea of what it's like to be an active listener? Did you notice that I didn't offer advice or make any judgments while Sage was talking? She didn't ask me what I thought, so I just showed her I was listening to what she was saying by paraphrasing. If she had asked me what I thought she should do, then I could have given her my opinion, otherwise, I have to keep my opinions to myself and just give her feedback on what she is saying.

Jose: I think I understand better now. But I still think this takes a lot of practice. It's just not the we we normally communicate. Anyway I know that I usually jump right in with information about my own experiences in similar situations and offer advice on how I think it's best to fix the problem. I guess that's not really good listening.

 

Tips for Providing Feedback

Here are some "tips" that will help you respond appropriately during active listening. In general, you should use language that:

• Objectively describes another person's message, behavior, or situation. Feedback must be specific rather than general. To be told that one is "dominating" will probably not be as useful as being told something like, "Just now when we were deciding the issue, you did not listen to what the others said. I felt forced to accept your arguments or face an attack from you."
• Describes how the other person's behavior, message, or situation concretely affects your life.   Feedback must be directed toward something the receiver can do to change the situation. Frustration results when a person is reminded of shortcomings over which he or she has no control.
• Describes your own feelings and avoids evaluative language. By describing your own reactions, an individual is free to use, or not use, the feedback you offer. Avoiding evaluative language reduces the likelihood that an individual will react defensively. Feedback must take into account the needs of both the giver and the receiver. Otherwise, it can be destructive when it fails to consider the needs and feelings of everyone involved.
• Describes what you want the other person to do. For example, offer an explanation, change behavior, or provide suggestions for solving a problem.

Other ways of responding appropriately relate to the verbs you choose in your response.   For example:

• Use " I want " statements such as:   "I want you to do this."

  Effects: Helps clarify what you really want for yourself and for others.

  Example 1: "I would like some encouragement on my work." OR   "I would like some help teaching your child proper habits of cleanliness."

  Example 2: "I would like clarification for that point."

• Use " I feel " statements such as: "I feel X when you do Y."

  Effects: These statements help express feelings without attacking the self-esteem of another person. When expressing irritation for example, first describe the specific behavior, and then express your feelings.

  Example 1: "I need some help solving a problem. The problem involves getting a response to the notes I sent to you concerning our team project. I am frustrated about how to solve this problem. Will you help me?"

  Example 2: "When you roll your eyes like that, I feel as if my statements are not being heard."

• Use mixed feeling statements:

  Effects: Mixed feeling statements express positive and negative feelings at the same time. They allow time for an individual to respond after you express the first feeling. Express positive feelings first, give an individual time to respond, and then express negative feelings.

  Example 1: "I was really pleased with your attitude toward our plans for working more constructively with the children."

  Listener's response followed by: "I also need to share with you my concern for your lack of follow-up. I felt like you were just giving me lip service and not really planning to follow up. I need to work this issue out with you."

  Example 2: "I was really interested in your views about the need for better security on campus."

  Listener's response followed by: "I also disagree that security guards should carry guns, because I feel that would be promoting a violent campus atmosphere."

• Use empathic feeling statements:

  Effects: Empathic feeling statements do more than just express your wants and feelings by conveying sensitivity toward others. Avoid using the statement, "I know how you feel" because it denies the other person his or her feelings.

  Example 1: "I am anxious about how you might interpret what I am going to say. I realize you are as concerned about your child as I am and I want to make sure there are no misunderstandings. I do want to be considerate about your feelings, but it is very important for you, your child, and me to take a few minutes at the end of each afternoon to talk about what has happened during the day."

  Example 2: "I am anxious about how you might interpret what I am going to say. I realize you are as concerned about the parking situation at this university as I am, and I want to make sure you there are no misunderstandings. However, I believe it is very important that we maintain our commitment to the environment, and not pave over the field next to the parking garage in order to add parking spaces."

• Use confrontational statements:

  Effects: Confrontation is appropriate when there are discrepancies. For instance, when another person's words contradict what he or she does. Another example would be when there is a conflict between a job description and what is being asked of someone in a job.

  Example 1:

  • Objectively describe what the other person said would be done.
  • Describe what the other person actually did. By doing this, you point out the discrepancy rather than confront the person. This allows separating the person from the behavior.
  • Express what it is that you want, or what you think should happen.

  Example 2: "According to the employee handbook, I am allowed thirty minutes for lunch, which must be taken before 1:00 PM. However, with the rush of business between 11:00 AM and 1:00 PM, I have been told I can't take more than fifteen minutes for lunch. I feel it is unfair to ask me to give up fifteen minutes and rush through lunch when it is stated clearly in the handbook that I am to have thirty minutes. I think it would be fair to allow employees to take lunch at 1:00 PM, after the rush hours, and to take the full thirty minutes for lunch."

 

Understanding Feedback

Sage:   I was just thinking about this feedback thing.   Aren't the comments you get about errors you've made on an exam or all the stuff in red pen on a paper the same as feedback?

Deena:   Exactly.   That's pretty effective feedback, huh?   There are also other kinds of feedback.

I think good feedback from exams is a great learning tool.   Just getting a grade isn't very useful.   Lots of feedback lets us know if we are really "getting" what we are supposed to get.

In a way, the exam is feedback for the instructor too - so he or she knows whether we understand the material and how we're doing individually--or how the class is making out as a whole.   If everyone in the class has trouble with a question or concept, the instructor can see that we need to go back over that material.

Jose:   Effective communication is really important in a group situation, especially when there are different agendas and conflicts.

Heather:   Now that I think about it, the classroom is another place where we could use effective communication skills.

Brian: Sometimes in class I have trouble comprehending what the instructor is saying. Are there things we could do to be better listeners during class?

Deena: That's a good question Brian. Listening during class can be difficult sometimes. There can be a lot of distractions, both in the environment and inside our own heads. Sometimes I also have trouble listening at our group meetings, especially when we meet in the student lounge where there are a lot of other people and things going on or I have a lot of work to do and keep thinking about that instead of listening to what people are saying.

Jose: I remember talking about this when we were discussing note taking (see module on notetaking). It's important to focus and listen carefully for cue words that the instructor uses during class. It seems like the same ideas apply to group meetings but instead of writing notes, in our group we are responding to each other. Active listening is important in a lot more situations than I originally thought.

 

Cue Words

Cue words will help you to categorize and understand the content of what you are hearing. Hearing these types of words, after some practice in listening for them, will help trigger the process that allows you to sort out the content. The cue words to look for can be broken down into several general areas.

Cue Word Trigger Words

Perception-- Observe, notice, detect, picture, see, hear, touch, feel, taste, smell

Induction-- Qualities, rule, pattern, generalization, on the whole, common elements, common characteristics

Analysis-- List, outline, classify, reasons, parts, sort, define, sequence, categorize, analyze, factors, procedures, steps

Same/Different-- Compare, contrast, differentiate, same, different, alike, similar

Insight-- Inference, realization, overlapping pattern, connection, parallel pattern, infer, relationship

Appraisal-- Weigh, grade, rate, prioritize, appraise, rank by value such as best-to-worst or most-to- least

Summary-- Main idea, condense, main point, reduce, summary, sum up, focus, in a nutshell, summarize

Evaluation-- Belief, judge, viewpoint, decide, opinion, evaluate, believe, critique

Idea-- Ideas, goals, options, changes, ways, possibilities, opportunities

Prediction-- Predict, forecast, hypothesize, consequences, affect, effects, happen

Action-- Apply, build, do, use, write, graph

---

Heather: So active listening is important in both class and group meetings as well as in personal relationships like in our families.

Brian: Like my Biology class. Biology is like Greek to me!

Jose: Brian, what are you talking about? What does Biology have to do with how important it is to have good listening skills?

Brian: I thought we were talking about using active listening skills to do better in class.

Deena: Yeah, about 10 minutes ago! What have you been doing for the last 10 minutes?

Brian: I don't know. I guess I was just so busy thinking about what else I wanted to say about listening in class that I forgot to listen to what everyone else was saying.

 

Running Interference(s)

Do you occasionally find you are so concerned with formulating a response that you aren't really listening to the the person who is speaking? Some of us get so eager, or so anxious, about preparing a reply or anticipating a change in the focus of attention toward ourselves that we lose the message and completely forget that someone else is speaking.

Mental and physical circumstances can also interfere with active listening. These may include items such as the following:

• White noise or facilities that are inappropriate for group needs. If possible, try to choose a room for group meetings where white noise or background noise is kept to a minimum. Also, look for a room that fits the size of the group, where the chairs are comfortable, and where everyone can maintain eye contact.
• Personal thought processes can block reception of the total content of the message being sent. These processes may include things such as:
  • Day-dreaming
  • Mind reading
  • Rehearsing
  • Filtering

• Emotional involvement with the topic may also affect listening actively as you may be prone to engage in the following:
  • Identifying
  • Judging
  • Advising
  • Sparring
  • Being right
  • Derailing
  • Placating

Deena: Well, if we can get everyone's attention now, I think we have covered the basics of active listening. I need to leave so I won't be late for my next class. Heather, could you send each of us a copy of the notes from today's meeting? We could read over them and make any additions or corrections for our next meeting.

Heather: Sure. No problem. I will e-mail everyone later this evening.

 

Some Activities to Practice Your New Skills

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