Information about Making Revisions and Using Markup Symbols

Contents

The Process of Revision
General Strategies for Revising
Major Composition Elements
Thesis Statement
Documentation Style
Markup Symbols
Development
Organization
Sentence Structure
Use of Words
Punctuation
Improving a Draft

The Process of Revision

In this lesson, you will see some strategies for objectively making revisions to a written document. You will also learn about and use conventional mark-up symbols.

Revision is the process of reviewing a written composition or other materials. After you have finished the first draft, you re-read it and make changes to it. During the process of revising, you add, delete, replace and reorder ideas and terms. In other words, the process of revision involves complex activities of re-reading, evaluating, and making changes to improve your work.

General Strategies for Revising

While revising, you have to be an objective reader, or uninfluenced by personal feelings. Certain strategies can help you look more objectively at your work. To put it another way, you need to transform yourself from a writer to a critical reader. Several general strategies have been suggested:

• Do not start the revision process immediately after you finish writing. Give yourself some time away from the material. A "cooling off" period enables you to take a fresh look at your paper.
• Read your paper through silently several times looking for places that make you hesitate or stop.
• Read your paper aloud. Reading aloud forces you to examine every word and sentence. Hearing your own writing helps you detect errors in content and organization.
• Keep the purpose and the audience in mind. When you revise, your role is that of a reader rather than a writer. Reading your paper from the perspective of the target audience can help keep your composition within the context of your audience's understanding.
• Let another reader tell you where the draft is clear or unclear. Ask for feedback and articulate your ideas to the second reader because, in doing so, you will clarify ideas for yourself.

Major Composition Elements

Revision requires judgments and evaluation.   The process of revision is most effective if guided by a set of principles, or criteria, to measure the major elements of good writing.   An understanding of such a set of standards is crucial to identifying what needs to be improved in a draft of your composition.

The purpose of revision is to see what needs to be improved.   The improvement can be global or local.   When you seek global improvement, you examine the structure of ideas in the whole composition.   In other words, you seek to improve upon how you present and elaborate on your ideas, how you group them, and how you sequence them. For local improvement, you focus on word- and sentence-level concerns about grammar, use of words, punctuation, and documentation style.

Major Composition Elements: Thesis Statement

A thesis statement is the claim that your writing makes. It is the center of your ideas. It controls the whole paper. In other words, a thesis statement describes a specific point of view or a judgment about a certain issue. It prepares the readers for the argument to follow.

Revising your paper involves rethinking your thesis statement. In the early drafts, your thesis may not be the best it can be. Check your thesis statement by asking the following questions:

• Is there a thesis statement?
• Does the thesis statement clearly express what you want to assert about the topic?
• Does the thesis statement generalize about the ideas that control development of the paper?

Example :

The thesis statement below at left has been revised. Think about why the original thesis statement needs revision and how the revised statement narrows down the development of a composition.

Drunken driving should be a serious issue in Congress.

Revised To:

In order to save lives, Congress should enact legislation to force states to adopt stricter standards for drunken driving.

Rationale :

Although both statements claim that Congress has an obligation concerning drunken driving, the revised statement qualifies as a more focused thesis. The revised statement sets forth a specific point of view which limits discussion to one issue (drunken driving legislation), and makes a judgment about that issue (the legislation should make State standards stricter). Therefore, the revised thesis better prepares the reader for the argument to follow by encapsulating that argument in a single statement. Two possible thought relationships could be used to support the thesis statement: causality and exemplification. By arguing from causality, the writer would state reasons to support the claim that stricter drunken driving standards will help save lives. By arguing from exemplification, the writer could describe specific instances about vehicular accidents caused by drunken driving.

Major Composition Elements: Development

The development of the composition should support your thesis with explicit explanations and enough examples and relevant details to guide readers to an understanding of your ideas. Avoid irrelevant details and shifts in focus. Ask yourself the following questions to maintain focus on development:

• Is the thesis statement actually being developed or is it merely being repeated or rephrased?
• Are the supporting ideas clearly explained and logically related to the thesis?
• Are there sufficient arguments in your composition and are they backed up by concrete details and examples?
• Are the sources used in the composition comprehensive and relevant to the support of the thesis?

Your answer may look something like this:

Discussion:

This passage begins by raising interest about a shift in language teaching but then fails to build curiosity because it does not explain what caused the shift. The passage introduces jargon, specifically "Communicative Language Teaching," without using everyday concrete terms to define CLT. Also, the relationship between the language teaching shift and CLT is not clear. Further, the fourth sentence of the passage ("A speaker of a language . . . ") is irrelevant as it stands because nothing in the sentence makes an explicit connection to the topic. Although the last sentence points the reader in the general direction of the paper's development, it does not narrow the focus to a specific aspect of CLT.

If you were the original author and revised the passage, it might look something like this:

Revised Passage:

The focus of language teaching has shifted from a mastery of grammatical structures to the broader concept of communicative proficiency. The shift resulted from the realization that knowledge of grammatical structures does not in itself imply the ability to use language effectively. This claim has been persuasively argued in Hume's theory of communicative competence and Halliday's functional account of language use. Such a shift in the focus of language teaching is reflected in an instructional approach called Communicative Language Teaching. CLT, with its emphasis on the communicative purposes of speech acts, has become widely accepted by learning theorists. Moreover, the CLT approach has had a strong practical influence in syllabus design for language teaching. The purpose of this paper is to examine how CLT has provided a path both to explore functional content categories for language teaching and to investigate socio-linguistic considerations as a means of developing communicative competence. This paper begins with a description of the characteristics of CLT, moves on to an analysis of CLT's theoretical foundation, and finally specifies the content of a typical CLT syllabus design.

Discussion:

The revised passage gives the reader a much better picture of the topic because:

• No sentence introduces irrelevant details that distract attention from the topic of CLT.
• An explanation of CLT and its function is set forth in explicit terms.
• A specific outline of the paper is clearly indicated.

Major Composition Elements: Organization

In order for readers to follow the thread of your thoughts, you must structure your ideas. If you have great ideas but are unable to present them in a logical order, you will confuse your readers.

Organizing your composition is a continuous process. First, structure your ideas into paragraphs and sequence your paragraphs into a logical flow of thoughts. When you add or delete an idea, consider how the change affects the overall composition. The revision process forces you to examine both the unity of organization and the coherence of organization.

How you organize your ideas depends on the nature of the relationship of the ideas. If you want to describe a place, use spatial order - such as from left to right, top to bottom, or near to far.

If you have several points to argue in making your case, or if you want to explain a process with a sequence of steps, it is helpful to use enumeration to signal the transition between steps. For example, if you are supporting a major point with three subordinate points, introduce the subordinate points with the simple ordinal numbers first, second, and third, or a variation such as first, next, and finally. Each paragraph should be unified with a central idea, and paragraphs should be logically ordered and connected.

Ask the following questions about organization:

• Are the paragraphs grouped according to a unified and controlling idea?
• Are the paragraphs sequenced in a logical order?
• Are the sentences sequenced in a logical order?
• Are the paragraphs and sentences connected with appropriate transitional words or phrases?

Example :

Original Draft:

The information-processing model assumes that the learner selects the information to be processed and accomplishes the transformation of information to long-term memory through sequential stages from input to output. The model comprises three main stages that contain different physiological properties: the sensory registers, short-term memory, and long-term memory.

The essential first step for information to enter the processing model is the storage of incoming sensory information that is received by receptors in the form of nerve impulses before moving to short-term memory. The sensory register briefly stores representations of external stimuli from the environment until the information can be transferred to the next stage of the model.

The new information in short-term memory, by subjection to further processing, may be transferred to and made part of long-term memory if it survives the second stage of the process. Long-term memory is a relatively unlimited and permanent repository of information. Long-term memory stores for later use information that has been well processed and integrated into one's general store of knowledge. Once information is stored in the long-term memory, it stays there.

But not all information makes it into long-term memory (the third stage). The information selected and recognized in the first stage, the sensory register, if not lost, will be transferred from a rapidly decaying status to another form of temporary storage - short-term memory. This second stage of the information-processing model is limited in duration and capacity. Short-term memory can be thought of as conscious memory because it holds all the information that a person can be aware of at one time. It allows information to be manipulated, interpreted, and transformed. Unless information in short-term memory is either rehearsed or encoded, it will decay and be lost before getting a chance to be transferred into long-term memory.

Discussion :

In terms of organization, each paragraph in the original draft may be considered to have its own unity. But, the composition as a whole suffers because the writer has not organized it in such a way that would eliminate the confusing references and ordinal indicators that are needed to keep the stages out of one another's way. The draft composition needs:

• An organizing principle that will eliminate the confusion of stage references
• Coherence between paragraphs to smooth the flow of ideas
• A concluding paragraph to reassert the unity of the composition

Revised Draft:

The information-processing model assumes that the learner selects information to be processed and accomplishes the transformation of information from input to output in sequential stages. The system comprises three main stages, each defined by different physiological properties: the sensory register, short-term memory, and long-term memory.

The essential first step for information to enter the information processing system is the storage of incoming sensory information that is received by receptors in the form of nerve impulses. This sensory register briefly stores representations of external stimuli from the environment until the information can be transferred further.

Next, the information selected and recognized in the sensory register, if not lost, will be transferred from a rapidly decaying status to another form of temporary storage - short-term memory, which is limited in duration and capacity. Short-term memory can be thought of as conscious memory because it holds all the information that a person can be aware of at one time. It allows information to be manipulated, interpreted, and transformed. Unless information in short-term memory is either rehearsed or encoded, it will decay and be lost.

Finally, the new information in short-term memory, by subjection to further processing, may be transferred to and made part of long-term memory. Long-term memory is a relatively unlimited and permanent repository of information. Long-term memory stores for later use information that has been well processed and integrated into one's general store of knowledge. Once information is stored in long-term memory, it stays there.

Although they are discrete steps with different properties, these three stages combine to make up a single information processing system. Any consideration of how this system functions should thus take into account how the parts relate to the whole.

Discussion :

The revised draft presents a better organization because:

• The focus is removed form long-term memory alone and distributed evenly to all three stages of the system.
• The refocusing clears the way for the composition to be developed logically.

Major Composition Elements: Sentence Structure

A written composition is a collection of ideas. Every idea finds its expression in the form of a complete sentence. Ask yourself if your draft contains any of these common sentence structure errors.

• Does the sentence have a subject and verb, and is it a complete thought?

Wrong:   John and Sylvia in the park one fine day.
Right:   John and Sylvia jogged in the park one fine Spring day.

• Do the subject and verb agree in number?

Wrong:   Three roses leans at a slant against the window.
Right:   Three roses lean at a slant against the window.

• Do the verbs agree in tense?

Wrong:   I will be in the store yesterday.
Right:   I was in the store yesterday.

• Do the noun and pronoun agree in number?

Wrong:   The company sold their products overseas.
Right:   The company sold its products overseas.

• Does the pronoun correctly refer back to the noun?

Wrong:   The congressman spoke with his wife and his secretary, and then asked her to wait.
Right:   The congressman spoke with his wife and his secretary, and then asked his secretary to wait.

• Are there fragments of sentences or run-on sentences?

Major Composition Elements: Use of Words

Meanings are embedded in words. Use words that are proper and effective. Avoid wordiness and vagueness. Although mistakes in spelling may not break down the communication with readers, they do send negative signals to readers about your attitude toward your composition and also toward your audience.

Examine each word in your composition individually. Use the dictionary, and if you are using word processing software, use the spell-checker. Consider the following questions:

• Have you avoided slang, jargon, and cliches?

Bad:   The train's head honcho deadheaded from New York to Boston and then prepared himself for dinner quick as a whistle.

Better:   The train's engineer traveled as a passenger from New York to Boston and then quickly got ready for dinner.

Is the choice of word appropriate for your purpose and intended audience?

Bad:   (Job applicant's cover letter) Bosses frequently praise my work.

Better:  Supervisors frequently praise my work.

• Have you looked up the meanings of words you are unsure about and do they mean what you intended them to mean?

• Is each word spelled correctly?

Major Composition Elements: Punctuation

The elements of punctuation, like the pauses and gestures used in conversation, help readers identify how segments of information are broken up. Pay special attention to any long or complex sentences. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do sentences end with a period, question mark, or exclamation point?

Wrong: I wanted to know what time it was?
Right: I wanted to know what time it was.

• If the sentence ends with an exclamation point, is that form of emphasis really necessary?

Wrong: The teacher looked straight into the eyes of the unruly student and told him to be quiet!
Right: The teacher looked straight into the eyes of the unruly student and then uttered two sharp words:   Be quiet!

• If a sentence is too long, can it be broken down into smaller sentences without loss of effectiveness? If not, would the proper placement of commas make it easier to understand the sentence?

Wrong: The poet walked out the door and, when he realized it was cold outside, wished he had put on a jacket, even though his jacket was not very warm.
Right: The poet walked out the door.   It was cold outside.   He wished he had put on his jacket, even though his jacket was not very warm.

• Do commas separate elements of a series?

Wrong: The soldier carried a rifle backpack and shovel.
Right: The soldier carried a rifle, backpack, and shovel.

Major Composition Elements: Documentation Style

When you cite the writing of others or use the ideas of others in your writing, you must document these citations with enough information for others to locate the sources. Two major documentation styles are MLA (Modern Language Association) and APA (American Psychological Association).

The MLA publishes a style manual used primarily by scholars in literature and the humanities called MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers. There is also a Web site for MLA style at: http://www.mla.org

To use APA format, consult the Publication Manual of the APA. It provides extensive examples covering a wide variety of citation formats. This reference material is also on line at the following Web site:   http://www.psychwww.com/resource/apacrib.htm

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you are making revisions:

• Are all of the quotations, paraphrases and summaries of ideas from other sources acknowledged within text references?

Wrong: "It can be defined as tasks assigned to students by school teachers that are meant to be carried out during non-school hours."
Right: "It can be defined as tasks assigned to students by school teachers that are meant to be carried out during non-school hours"   (Cooper & Nye, 1994).

•Do all bibliography entries include necessary and accurate information in the correct format?

Wrong: Cooper, H. & Ney, B.   Homework for students with learning disability:   The implications of research for policy and practice.
Right: Cooper, H. & Ney, B.   Homework for students with learning disability:   The implications of research for policy and practice.   Journal of Learning Disabilities, 27, 470-479.

Mark-up Symbols

Sometimes a reviewer completes the final revision of your composition. In some cases he or she is your peer or your instructor. In other cases the reviewer may be an editor of a professional journal. In order to communicate textual changes between you and the reviewer, the use of standardized mark-up symbols is helpful. The actual marks made on the document indicate the changes that the reviewer wants you to make. Knowing what the symbols mean and how to interpret them is a useful skill.

Mark-up or proofreading symbols can be found in documentation style manuals and at:

http://webster.commnet.edu/writing/symbols.htm

Some common mark-up symbols are:

Symbol	Meaning	Example
	insert a comma
	apostrophe or single quotation mark
	insert something
	use double quotation marks
	use a period here
	delete
	transpose elements
	close up this space
	a space needed here
	begin new paragraph
	no paragraph

Tip: Common Writing Errors and Issues

Many people find that they tend to repeat the same kinds of errors in their writing. One way to avoid making the same mistakes is to make a list of them. Use a word processing program to keep a log of the mistakes you make most often. When you revise your compositions, use this list to help you eliminate the more common errors.

Improving a Draft: Suggested Analysis

The essay draft about high school lacks a clear thesis statement to prepare the reader for the rest of the essay. It also lacks a logical structure or flow of ideas. There are several misspelled and incorrectly used words, etc. To revise this draft, the writer should:

• Read the draft out loud to see if the sentences are in a logical order.
• Review the sentences in each paragraph to make sure they are arranged to support the paragraph topic.
• Review the order of paragraphs to make sure they are arranged to support the thesis of your report.
• Review the draft for spelling errors, incorrect punctuation, typographical errors, etc.
• Make sure that any work cited has an appropriate reference within the text.
• Review the conclusion and make sure it supports the thesis of the report and gives the reader a sense of finality.
• Read the essay again after making revisions to find ways to improve the connection between sentences and paragraphs to help the reader move through the essay. Sometimes rearranging the components of a sentence facilitates this connection. Transitional terms such as "further," "nevertheless," and "whereas," etc. may also be useful signals to show relationships to readers.

 

Improving a Draft: Suggested Revision

What's Wrong With High School

What could possibly be wrong with current public high school curriculum? Students attend four years of high school and receive a well-rounded education. This education allows the students to function as a valuable member of society without necessarily continuing their education beyond high school. What could possibly be wrong with all this? Well, what about the students who do choose to continue their education after high school? Does high school prepare college-bound students well? According to the statistics, the answer is no. ACT, a non-profit organization that gathers statistics and researches the education field, states that "31% of students seeking a BA/BS degree at a public college drop out by the end of their second semester” (ACT, 1997). Something needs to be done to bring this percentage down.

Current public high school curricula are simply too easy. Students are able to take too many classes that do not challenge them to learn. It is not possible to discuss the many different solutions to this problem in this paper, so I will focus on one particular recommendation that I believe would help the most: having students take a "placement test" in order to get them in classes that will challenge them and stimulate their minds.

Currently, many public high schools allow students to select their own classes and as a result, some students enroll in classes far below their intellectual ability. This lack of academic preparation can cause major problems for a student who decides to pursue a post-secondary education. A student’s educational ability should be assessed at the beginning of the 9th grade. Standardized tests should be given to help determine what course of study would be best for a particular student to pursue during their four year high school career. There should be a minimum of three different educational "tracks" for students to choose from.For example, a school could choose to have an advanced track, an intermediate track, and a remedial track. Critics would argue that the use of educational tracks would limit students’ choice of classes, but this is not exactly true. Educational tracks will establish a pool of classes from which students can choose. For example, students on the advanced track will still have all of the choices they had before; but the courses will be geared towards those students with higher educational abilities.The same would be true for those on the remedial track, but the remedial classes would be designed to bring a student’s educational ability up to where it should be for the particular grade level.

By requiring a placement test and implementing an educational track system, students would be forced to take courses that are academically challenging and make them work a little harder. This will prepare students for college much better than a traditional high school curriculum. If students choose to continue their education by going to college or another post-secondary institution, they will have the academic skills necessary to be successful in college.

Simply put, public high school students must be more academically challenged during high school. Very intelligent students are able to slide by with taking classes far too easy for their academic ability. At the same time, students who need extra help are not getting the receiving the attention they need. If students were placed in the right classes according to their educational ability,they would be challenged to work harder in their classes. After high school graduation, students would be academically prepared to succeed and survive in a college environment.In the end, that is what this idea is really all about.

Works Cited

ACT: Newsroom: News Release: Press Release: National College Dropout and Graduation Rates, 1997. 8 April 2003. <http://www.act.org/news/releases/1998/04-01b98.html>.

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